Attitude of Gratitude….
Ahhhhh anniversaries…. This word conjures up images of romantic dinners out, maybe flowers or a special gift. It doesn’t usually provoke images of being diagnosed with cancer, but for me on Thanksgiving week, it does.
I was diagnosed with cancer 18 years ago this week, and every year since then I have to deal with the memory and, well frankly, the trauma.
Our sermon at church was on contentment last Sunday. More specifically, how gratitude produces contentment. (It was excellent, btw…I encourage you to watch it online at gracepointtopeka.org.) At one point during the sermon, I leaned over to my youngest, Zach, and quietly said, “Nailing it” to which he stifled a laugh. He knows I’m right though….
When I was diagnosed with cancer all of those years ago, I had a decision to make: Do I let the diagnosis destroy me and my attitude or do I fight back. Anyone who knows me well KNOWS I’m a fighter. I come from a long line of fighters, not always applied appropriately.
Oh, who am I kidding, hardly ever applied appropriately.
I am grateful that I am a fighter though, or I might not be here.
I decided nearly two decades ago several things when I was diagnosed: 1) to not make cancer my defining characteristic. In other words, see it as something that I HAVE not something that I AM. 2) to be grateful for everything. The first one was MUCH easier than the second.
How do you make sure you stay grateful when you really don’t FEEL grateful? You practice! I was thrilled when our pastor told us to do that very thing to become content. I’ll be very honest about my feelings when I was first diagnosed with cancer. I was really ticked off…. I had small children. I didn’t want some evil stepmother raising them. I’ve seen all of the Disney movies.
I’m sure when I was struggling with the new info that I probably only had 2-5 years to live, I was not feeling grateful. I am also sure that people like my mom, who has been an amazing source of comfort and Godly wisdom over the years, poured into me the idea of being grateful. I would not have generated gratitude, especially during that time, on my own. But I own it now.
Here’s what I do…. Whenever anything is going wrong, or I’m feeling crappy (sorry if that word offends but it is much better than the word I really want to use…), I practice gratitude. I make myself say 3 things for which I am grateful DURING those moments.
Here’s an example:
A few years ago at our former home, our washing machine drain clogged and was starting to overflow onto the tile. I noticed it immediately, mainly because it was bellowing and belching water, and I mopped it up before there was any damage. It was a mess…. I had to use a mountain of towels, soak up the offending water, and then wash the mountain when I was done. It was exhausting and took hours. What I did during this nightmare was say out loud, things I was grateful for….
I said I’m grateful for the load of towels I had just finished washing and hadn’t put away yet so they were on hand. I said I am grateful that I was home so I could clean it up and fix it immediately. I said I am grateful that we had the resources to pay for a plumber to come fix the problem….
You get the idea….
Did I FEEL grateful in that moment?
Oh *bleep* no!! But I PRACTICED being grateful by saying 3 things during the crisis that I WAS grateful for. I choose to say 3 things, because 3 seems to be a good number. Only one thing wouldn’t do the trick, and 3 is easy to remember. Plus, it usually leads to me thinking of more.
Three things I’m grateful for about having cancer: 1) It made me trust in God more than I had ever done, which has been immensely helpful. 2) It incentivized me to read His Word more, especially the bits about healing and anxiety. 3) It made me appreciate the gift of life and each day that I have been given.
Three things I am grateful for about being in pain and having to use a cane: 1) I have a better understanding for those who are handicapped and have had many conversations with people, strangers even, about their afflictions which opens an avenue to talk about what Jesus does to comfort me. 2) I got out of having to paint this house from top to bottom (shhhh…don’t tell Jeff that I am grateful for that, he may think I did it on purpose.) And 3) I appreciate my limbs and the use of them much more. I can tell you I won’t be taking them for granted ever again.
See? There are ALWAYS reasons to be grateful. If I can do it, anyone can. If the number 3 doesn’t work for you, add more. Keep saying things until you start to feel gratitude. Lady Catherine de Bourgh (Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen) once said, “If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient.” She was referring to learning to play an instrument. But our brain is an instrument.
Don’t be a Lady Catherine… LEARN the skill now. Make it a daily habit.
Our pastor recommended thinking of things to be grateful for as you wake up each morning, and I think that is a fantastic idea. I’ve been more conscientious about doing that each morning, and it works! Do it!
Right now…think of 3 things you are grateful for. It IS Thanksgiving after all. There is no better time to start the habit of gratitude. After all, the habit of better eating is probably being thrown out the window as we speak, so you have room to work on a new habit….
Develop that attitude of gratitude!
HAPPY THANKGIVING!!